Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.

Sylvia Plath (via lostbommie)

I am depressed. I’m not happy. I have issues with my past. I resent myself for choices I’ve made. It’s more than just resentment. I hate myself. Not in a “omg i embarassed myself in front of everyone i hate myself” kind of way. But i really and truly do have so much hate towards myself. Depression scares me. I know I’ve said before that I’m depressed but I know for a fact that I really am now. I have scary thoughts, I convince myself to cause myself harm in different ways, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve contemplated suicide. Everyday I wake up hoping and even wishing “maybe today will be my last day, maybe today is the day.” It sickens me. No one understands how I’m feeling and people say “it’s all in your head, just stop thinking negatively,” but if it were truly that simple, I would have stopped the negativity a long time ago. I can be watching a show, doing homework, driving, or even be in class, and I’ll randomly start crying. I have to leave the room or pull over to the side of the road because I can’t stop crying and it causes me to have panic attacks. I feel like I’m just so fucked up that nothing is even worth trying for anymore.